Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
