Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
