i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize