just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
