My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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