Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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