why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
