quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
