Don't make out with my wife yet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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