i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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