On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
