guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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