I will die if light touches me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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