I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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