I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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