She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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