I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
