my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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