Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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