i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
