her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
