I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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