I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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