If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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