I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
