CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
