ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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