I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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