We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
