I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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