i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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