normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
