wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
