More tranny stories later!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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