Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
