Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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