Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
