Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
