I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
