I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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