Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
