Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
