I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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