Kiss
Puke
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
