Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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