...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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