fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
