my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
