Cold hands, warm shart.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
