I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
