Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Pants are for mortals
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
