...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
