i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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