i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
