Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
