Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
