I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
