the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
