two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
