Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
