I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
