zippers are such a cool invention
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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