Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
