im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
