Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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