What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
