i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
