he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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