i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
