Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
