the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
