ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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