i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
